CBT… WTF?

So here’s a new acronym I’ve learned in the past week – CBT. It stands for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, but if you ask me it means Current Bullsh*t Theory. Had a few colleagues at work tell me about it as a possible doctor-free treatment for my insomnia, read more about it online and I gotta tell you, some of the things I had to do according to the online tips I came across were as easy as, a few other things are better left unsaid, but this CBT – it’s worthless!

Things I’m willing to mention

Hot baths? Seriously? I literally spent over 10 hours this past week laying in my bathtub before going to bed. Wanna know how that worked? My skin is so pruney I think I’ll have to get infinite botox injections just to get rid of that 80s look (and I don’t mean the decade). On the bright side, I haven’t been this clean since I was a baby. Really, ask my wife; she can’t get her hands off me and now I have to fight both her and the insomnia off.

No TV before bedtime. You never realize how dependent you are of that idiot box once it’s restricted, and that also means no internet access. I missed The Amazing Race on Monday and for what? reading a book till 5am. I haven’t read a book in 15 years. Although it was quite a funny one (Hope: A Tragedy by Shalom Oslander) I would much rather see the Kiwis get their asses kicked. Still got the finale, though.

I hate warm milk, even more than I hate cold milk (let’s just assume I generally hate milk), so when I read about it as a means to fight insomnia (my logic: drink milk->get stronger->literally beat the crap out of insomnia) I said to myself ‘HELL NO!’.
1.5 hours of staring at the walls changed my mind, though my taste buds were reluctant to follow and refused to let it pass, needless to say that floor got a little messy. I didn’t cry for it, that’s for sure.

What about reducing coffee consumption you ask? I used to drink 4-5 cups a day since this whole thing started, but this week I tried to keep a limit of 3, while having the last one around noon. Here’s what I discovered:

  1. There’s a direct correlation between the amount of coffee I drink and my performance at work
  2. There’s no correlation whatsoever between the amount of coffee I drink and my insomnia – I just get tired earlier
  3. To my surprise, there’s an indirect correlation between the amount of coffee and tea I drink(!!)
  4. Coffee is the insomniac’s water (you can quote me on that)
  5. Coffee causes skin wrinkling, so if you take long baths make sure you don’t drink any!

What’s next?

I saved the worst for last – exercise. I think I’ll have to try that one as it seems like a logical move on my part (someone said beer belly?), but I find it impossible to even start. Any other suggestions??

-T

His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours
Arthur Baer (I fear that day.)

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